I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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