well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
