He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize