Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i dont even know how to be here
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
