In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
