One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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