Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
