Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
