Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
