soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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