oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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