Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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