We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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