he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
