Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
