Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize