I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
