She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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