How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
