I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
