FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
