the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
