I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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