I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
