On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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