xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
