So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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