You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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