dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
operation have a gay friend backfired
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
