We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
