I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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