I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
