Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize