Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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