I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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