I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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