life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
