I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
