And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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