He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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