I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
420 ftw
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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