You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize