I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
