What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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