Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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