i wish my penis had a tongue
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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