Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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