I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
