i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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