First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
