Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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