mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
