He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
