Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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