Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
