Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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