If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
