yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
