note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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