i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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