so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
