I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
