i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
