I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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