I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
