yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
