5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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