I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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