I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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