why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
