I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
