u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
