I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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