Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
